Humour
#40 – Stretched
“No! Not that door, Joey! Sally-Anne, stop pulling Tony’s hair! Does anyone want to play a game?! Please??”
How did it come to this? A simple party, she said. Light refreshments, a dip in the pool, cake and TV.
“It’ll be easy with us both there,” she said.
He surveyed the chaos as he wandered to the bathroom. He couldn’t be sure what was wall and what was crayon. Why was there was cake inside the CD player? Nothing made sense any more.
His phone rang.
“Honey? I’m still at the airport. How’s the party?”
He locked the door.
(c) Tim Austin 2016. Promo image by Stephanie McCabe via Unsplash.
Suggest your one word title and I’ll write a story about it: it’s easy. Just pop the word in the comments or tweet it to me @timaustin2k with the word and the hashtag #onewordonestory.
If you’re enjoying the blog, please let others know about it. Like the OWOS Facebook page so you never miss a story!
#31 – SmegForBrains
Doug watched the two men with helpless amusement. Television production had ground to a halt as each man took turns placing the prop against their tongues.
“Doug, we’ve two more scenes to film ye,…” “Shhh, Sally”
Sally lowered her voice, following the director’s gaze.
“What are they doing?”
Doug leaned down, conspiring with the runner.
“It’s a game of “who can hold the vibrating probe to their tongues longest without laughing””
Chris was winning – Craig seemed wholly unable to keep a straight face.
“But didn’t we make that out of,…?”
“Oh yes.” Doug winked.
“Thank God for Ann Summers,……”
(c) Tim Austin 2016. This probably didn’t happen. I mean they wouldn’t. Would they? Fictitious. All of it. Honest, guv. It’s even fictitious people. (Also goes without saying: no infringement intended – all in the spirit of fun!) Promo image Courtesy of NASA via Unsplash.
Today’s one word title was kindly donated by the TV legend that is Mr. Danny John-Jules: Cat in Sci-fi comedy “Red Dwarf”, jammy fella who flies to a sunny island every year to film “Death in Paradise” and (my personal favourite) Barrington in “Maid Marian and Her Merry Men”.
Thank you Danny 🙂
This project is my attempt to write a whole new short story every day for a year, based on single donated words. Take a look at some of the other stories written so far – you’ll find a list on the “Pre-Loved Words” page and in the sidebar to the left. If you’ve enjoyed this story hit it up on your Social Media feeds and let your friends know!
If you want to suggest a word, please do – you’re very welcome to. Tweet it to me @timaustin2k using the hashtag #onewordonestory and I’ll write a story based on that word (more info on the “Introducing” page, above).
There’s a new 100 word story every morning: hit the follow button (below to the right) and “Like” the OWOS Facebook page – it’ll really help me out and you’ll never miss a story.
See you tomorrow for “Hands”!
#23 – Seasick
“Oh! Isn’t it beautiful?” Anna squeezed her husband’s hand, her golden hair whipping in the sea breeze as the cruise liner rocked gently through the Pacific blue. The sun was a perfect orb against the glimmering horizon. Blue met blue, the clean salt air filling the newly-wed’s lungs and setting her spirit soaring. She shivered as a drop of liquid brushed her cheek. “We’d better get in – it’s starting to rain.”
Ten year old Kevin wasn’t having a good time on the deck above. Leaning over the edge, he retched again, wiping the edge of his green, vomit-stained mouth.
(c) Tim Austin 2016. Promo image courtesy of Clem Onojeghuo via Uplash
Today’s title was suggested by the beautiful Vicki Oliver – Actress, reader and artist! You can find some of her work with candles at waxandwooduk.com. Please share the blog and this story on Facebook and Twitter 
Today’s story is dedicated to the memory of the enormously talented Victoria Wood who died today. God bless and keep you, Victoria. RIP.
Please continue to share and support the blog by suggesting words and telling your friends. If you want to donate a word, tweet me @timaustin2k and using the hashtag #onewordonestory.
See you tomorrow for “Breath”
#19 -Tendrils
Colonel Anderson jumped as the beast slammed its snaked arm against the splintering glass. His hands shook as he lifted his wrist to his mouth, spitting breathless commands to the rest of his platoon. He had to stay quiet: the alien saw the world in sound. It knew he was there on the other side of the bulkhead. It knew. He hissed a second order but it was no good,… they were gone.
“Aaaand I think we’ll call that Lunch, Colonel,” boomed a female voice. “That’s the Tenth simulation you’ve screwed. But don’t feel too bad,… it’s Pasta Wednesday”
(c) Tim Austin 2016. Photo by Matthew Hicks on Unsplash
If you get it, you get it. And if you do, let me know! If you’re enjoying the stories, hit that follow button below (if you’re on WordPress) or like the OWOS Facebook page. Oh, and share it on Facebook and Twitter 🙂
Tendrils was suggested by my old sparring partner John “Bobby” R Wilkinson (Esquire): Associate Artist at York Theatre Royal and all-round top bloke!
If you want to suggest a word, pop it in the comments or Tweet it to me @timaustin2k using the hastag #onewordonestory.
Browse a few more stories and I’ll see you tomorrow for “Particles”!
#15 – Llanfair PG
[Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch]
The two men had been arguing for 20 minutes, their sweaty brows gleaming in the mid-summer sun.
“No, I’m telling you it’s pronounced “Clan Vire”!”
The older man was jabbing his finger at the new sign with flailing exasperation.
“Then why is it spelt “Fair?!” The younger man moaned, scratching his head.
With a sigh, the first man called to a passenger, nearby. “Excuse me, love. How do you pronounce the name of this railway station?”
“Bodorgan.”
The two men looked at each other. Then at the sign. Then at the tools they’d used to erect it, 20 minutes before.
“Bollocks.”
(c) Tim Austin 2016. Photo by Benn McGuinness on Unsplash
Today’s word was suggested by Liverpool songsmiths the Speakeasy Bootleg Band – purveyors of the “Finest Quality Bootleg Music Since Records Began…..”. You can find them on Twitter at @Speakeasybootle.
For those not in the know, this is a real train station in Wales. Yes, that really is the full name. And no, most people can’t pronounce it.
If you’ve a word you’d like me to turn into a story, tweet me at @timaustin2k using the hashtag #onewordonestory or pop a note in the comments, below. Oh, and share the blog with your friends using the button down there, too!
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